P: The outside world perceives me as an uncracked nut waiting to be opened up
in the life I had not yet known. My arms curled securely at the surface that enclosed my dwellings. Eyes closed in anticipation of new beginnings.
P: I wonder what they would be like. I want to know how they would care for me in the late utterances of the night, where my cries of adolescence spark interests of caring souls. Nightingales spin the bed toys of so many little critters, hovering over like constellations. Make a wish and say goodnight.
P: What would they say when they saw me? Was it everything they could muster when they picked me up in disbelief? Fingertips quivering for fear that the time would never reach the destination of that day.
P: Tell me something. Have you ever felt so alone in the corner of your room where the shadows change patterns all over the blank walls. Your hand slides down its rough contents, but still not real. The watchtower clock ticks vivaciously over the months, but still nothing close to what you seek because it’s not the touch you feel when you’re alive. But at the very same time, as you commenced your darkest hour, you were inches… no centimeters from being whole. I swore I would never be the same again because you both were never there.
- I was terrified when I called you and there was no answer. I wonder if they heard anything in particular. The response of wavelengths disappearing into the nothingness of that bug you couldn’t catch. A net only familiar with wind as it slips through gridded openings.
P: My parents, Alexandra and Bryce continued a conversation. I wasn’t sure of this location, but there were so many people. So many faces. I saw their expression and how they talked to each other.
B: “Are you ready sweetie? This is what’s best for us.” Bryce said discreetly as he scratched his beard and looked sincerely into my mother’s eyes that bled of hazel and dismay.
Their wedding was a tale of distant love. The man, my father from Michigan worked at his family’s ranch in hope that his dreams surpassed the cattle’s scattered hay. His flannel lay sweaty in the fields of complacency, but never turned back to these actions unfamiliar to his shelter.
Her story, my mother originated in the depths of forsaken love. Her memories of past relationships run parallel to broken hearts, stinging bitter of arrow dart perversions. Alexandra swore that nobody was worth the healing of her wounds that repeatedly scraped the surface.
A local bar was a pathetic place to meet. After work through curiosity they decided to greet. Eyes met from across the room like the awkward contacts, removing themselves from the bar’s wooden stools that shook like the foaming beer ale.
A one night stand led to more on the balcony where the grapevines tangled the web they weave.
P: There was a moment of suspense. Almost as if the room stood still in the wilderness with nothing moving. Like the foliage falling from an evergreen tree, as it hits the ground time passed, but the leaves never did…then the wind picked up.
P: I could see my mother started to tear up, but I was confused where her emotions came from.
A: “I remember we talked about it so many times, but now that I’m here it just seems so surreal. I feel like my body is frozen and I just don’t know”, my mother exclaimed. Her hands now covered her eyes and my father was there to comfort her as he sat in the chair next to her with sympathizing arms.
P: She continued whimpering, almost as if she lost all hope in seeing me. Almost as if I was a broken memory. I was so close to her.
B: “We can get through this together. What happened has happened and we’re here now to right our wrongs” Bryce said.
A: “I just want to see his face and the joy he could bring to our family. I don’t want to say goodbye” Alexandra gasped.
B: “This is the hardest step Alex”, Bryce admitted.
(His hand now clenched to her palm as she held her head back in agony)
P: I never saw this coming. I’m scared I can’t be fixed. This couldn’t be the end for me. The end for us. I never began my journey and I never took my first step. A crawling movement, no my first words never left my toothless mouth. The lies you told, they poured into the cobwebs of the forgotten shed, building up for me to fall down this slanting slope I travel. I just wanted to be human. Was this too much to ask?
P: I saw the suction tool progressively slither closer to where I was in pink matter.
My time was up and I had no answers. No reason for believing in these people if you could even call them that. Monsters that hid my destiny. The doctor steadily approached the region I was in. The currents were harsh and I couldn’t stand my ground. A storm was brewing as the tea kettle hisses. You could see it all.
P: Goodbye ever-long, may we never meet again.
(My body ripped into the pieces that never fully developed as the tubes sucked me in with piercing sounds. Feeling it never coming back, as I painfully drifted into the unknown.
A: Alexandra in shock screamed, “My baby”!